Today was a loooong crazy, run around without my head on straight day.
Traying to catch up from being sick last week… except that I have 4 court hearings shoved into two days and then I leave for “vacation”.
This morning I sat around court waiting for them to call my delinquency hearing for Darius… he isn’t there, obviously… so I just sit, and sit and sit. (Like I didn’t have a million things I needed to be doing at the office… noooo, I got all the time in the world to do nothing at court….)
Anyway, back to my story.
There were the cutest kids sitting next to me in the waiting area. Looking about as bored as you would expect kids to look waiting around for hours at the Wayne County “Juvenile” Court.
So without thinking I reach into my bag and give the girl some smarties and sweettarts…. Then I notice her brother… I go back and give him some too… his pout turns into a smile.
Cutest thing ever.
Then when I’m waiting in the actual courtroom they sat behind me. They had toilet paper and kept doing this thing where they put it to their nose an breathed in to see if they could make it stay… (yeah, not really appropriate for court… but the kids have been sitting there for hours probably and they weren’t making TOO much noise… give them a break… they were like 2 and 3 years old)
Anyway, their hearing was held before mine… and as it was about to be adjourned, I turned around to the grandmother who was with the kids and handed her two suckers for the ride home.
They got up to leave and both the kids were so happy and gave me hugs…which isn’t why I did it… I just wanted to give them something to think about so they wouldn’t be so freaking bored there…(yeah, I’m 25, but I remember what it was like to be a little kid..)
At the same time, it is crazy that it took me this long to realize that all you have to do is give kids candy and they will love you forever…
If only it were that easy with adults.
You spend your whole life looking, find the right one, sneak them a sugary snack, and voila! Marital bliss. Unwaivering fidelity. Eternal Commitment. All from a tootsie pop.
In fact, I think I will start trying it to see if it works, at least it will give me a good excuse when people ask why I’m single.
Instead of the usual (yet completely truthful and valid) reasons of: It isn’t the right time in my life - I have too much to do before I settle down - I’m freaking leaving for a foreign country in two months- I will simply start saying, “I just haven’t found the right person to give my candy to.”
And really, how can you argue with that?

Getting close...

Ok... So not exactly "close"
but close is a relative term anyway.
let's be more exact.
it is getting closer... closer... closer...
these past few years have flown by...the next two months will pass in a comparative instant.
so much to do.
not the least of all being SAVE MY MONEY AND PAY OFF MY BILLS.
and all i want to do is spend money on things i don't need...
this constant need to own, consume, and have more, more, more...
i used to think i could escape it, and i'm sure there is a way to... but to date, i have not discovered it.
and it's not like i haven't tried.
it seems as though i am perpetually living in two worlds.
one where i accept that material possessions and physical characteristics and status and money and blah blah blah don't bring happiness... but on the other hand it is impossible to avoid a world full of these things, these very fun- but not satisfying, things.
somedays i feel it would be easier if i just didn't know any better.
like if i could just say "fuck it, i'm going to make some money and do all the things i want to do to please myself."
and just not know any better.
not have any clue of the bliss that comes along with altruistic endeavors.
not have any clue of the happiness and peace that serving others brings (although, i suppose, by definition, that makes them selfish deeds if you do them to get a self-pleasing benefit... but that is another whole topic that i don't feel like going into right now)
but alas, i can not do this.
so here i am.
without possibility of ever being rich or fully conceding to materialism due to a self and environmentally conditioned mindset...
but unable to fully give up things of this world due to an inability to get away from them.
but like i said.
it is all realtive anyways.
all in comparison.
i find it crazy how just standing next to someone can change your own perception of yourself.
even with a physical attribute as irrelevant as height.
normally, i feel.. well normal... the taller side of normal.
taller than most, but not extremely so.
but put me next to a 5'10" girl, and i will literally feel inferior.
short.
tiny.
weak.
did i change heights?
no. just my view of myself in relation to others...which sometimes i fear, is the only view of myself i have...
but i digress, i do that from time to time...
what was my point?
oh yeah, all relative.
sigh, i am tired of writing now.
maybe i will complete my disjointed thoughts at a later date...
yeah, probably not.
they will only become more disjoined and random.
and thats why you love me.
:-)