well, i am all better now...
i know everybody is collectively breathing a sigh of relief. :-)
anyway... not too much to update.
yesterday i took a huge bite into a plum from off our tree, then looked and there were maggots everywhere...
not gonna lie, it was pretty f'ing disgusting.
i didn't even think and just spit it everywhere, on the floor of my house... opps.
my host mom was laughing... i wasn't.
after i laughed.
after i spit out every single bit i could possibly regurgatate.

last night i went with my host brother to a nagosti (visit). he asked me to go because stacey (another volunteer in my town) was going to be there with her host mom.
It was nice to have somebody to speak a little english with, and not be the only one totally lost in the conversation.
after the people we were visiting drank a sufficiant amount of rakia, it was time for the unavoidable circle dancing.
love it.
stacey and i were finally convinced to join in... although we only know one dance.

we joked that we don't have even close to enough language skills to have any sort of conversation with people, but we could tell them all the food on the table if they wanted.
oh, and also we are currently learning prepositions.
i said that i have all the language tools needed to discuss the meaning of the universe now with words such as "in" "on" "behind" and "in front".
stacey agreed. she goes, "yes. is God on the table? under the table? behind the table? next to the table? just look hard enough, and you will find God"

this was, and continues to be, the most hilarious conversation i have had in quite a while.

ok, maybe it is one of those "you had to be there" sort of things.



annnnyway. i'm heading back to the house for a bit to study.
then later going with my language trainer and the other volunteers in my town to Dupnitsa for dinner and a Chalga concert.
yeah! chalga! whoo hoo!
(ok, so it's not exactly my type of music... but, it will be interesting at least.)

miss you guys.
so much.

tracy

sigh... so i suppose it was bound to happen.
i cried for the first time today.
for no reason really...
i was sitting in the living room watching a movie with my host mother and little host niece (Vera)and they started joking about their stomachs and how fat they are.
Then i tried to tell them in my hybrid Bulgarian/English that back at home I would pretend to talk to my little sister with my belly and she would always go "tracy! stop!" and then laugh.
My host mom laughed at that, and so did Vera, and so did I... until, for no appparent reason, I just started crying.
I tried to hide it so I kind of laid down on the couch. But my host mom saw, and she asked if I was crying, I said "no.." but it was no use.
She said someting about sistra, and mikah, and bashta (sister, mom, dad) and then i looked over and she was crying too... then she went and sat next to me and hugged me and I just started bawling. I couldn't understand everything she was saying but I know it was something about how it is going to be alright, and it is ok to miss them, and that i have her and the family here and i can talk to my family on the phone... but she was totally crying too...
and all i could do was think that i wouldn't be able to use my belly to talk to my sister for another two years. It was like it finally hit me today how long that is going to be.

weird... during the most frustrating times here so far (which, i'm not gonna lie, there have been many) it is a happy, fun time, when i break down.

it might have something to do with the fact that i have been really sick for the past couple days...
on thursday i actually threw up twice in Dren at an Orphanage... not the least bit embarassing.
I then took the bus back to my home from there, and ended up sleeping with only a couple interuptions, for about the next 28 hours straight.
Yes, I had my host mom.... but you know... when you are sick, all you want it your mom, mom.
And for some reason I thought that my mom said she was going to call thursday night... but I must have been mistaken because the phone didn't ring once.
or friday (which I was sick the all day long as well.)

But anyway, enough complaining.
It is a beautiful day here, I am feeling all better, and I am about to head back home to do some studying, as I have missed the past two days of language class.

And next weekend (i'm pretty sure it's next weekend) I'm super excited because we (all of the volunteers) are going on an overnight trip hiking to the Seven Lakes in the Rila Mountains.
It is supposed to be beautiful. http://www.picturesofbulgaria.com/photo_gallery/the_seven_rila_lakes.html
Can't wait:-)


Love you all.
- tracy

nothing much to update.
i'm currently in the bustling metropolis of Dupnitsa with all of the other volunteers for the first of our bi-weekly hub meetings.
and i don't want to make you TOO jealous, but right now i get to enjoy the beautiful melodies of both mc hammer and the ghostbusters theme.
right now, they are playing "girl you know it's true"... i can't remember who that is by.. milli vanilli?
yes, it was just confirmed by matt and katie.
milli vanilli.
lovely.

well...i wish there were more to say... i need a hair cut, but i'm not going to get one untill i am able to tell them what i want in bulgarian.
more motivation to learn.

ok, well it is almost 2pm, time to get head back to the Hub for some more meetings, then catch the bus back to Kraynitsi around 5pm.

oh, and if you were confused like my mother, when i referred to birth parents in a previous post, it is a foster care thing... not my actual birth parents. sorry if i confused you for a second there. :-P
although, that would be pretty funny if i just up and decided to start calling you guys my "birth parents" instead of "mom" and "dad"
funny/weird.

love you.

-tracy

Man, I wish I could post pictures right now...I have some great ones for all of you.
Last nigh I went to a wedding in Dupnitsa with my host mom. It was great.
Ryan, (another volunteer in my town) was there too with his host mom.
We ate and danced the horro all night long. Ok, so maybe we drank a little rakia too... it would have been rude not too ;-)

What else to tell you.... hummm...

I hand washed my clothes for the first time in my life... it isn't as hard as I thought it would be, although I definitely wouldn't say it is something I am exactly fond of. But I'm also not a fan of dirty underwear.

We had fresh almonds in the shell the other night. I had fun being the one to take a mallet and crack the shells outside. And no, they don't taste anything like the almonds you get back home. You wouldn't even know they were the same thing. Prepackaged nuts have nothing on these.

I am developing a serious addiction to coffee. The strong stuff. I am not too concerened about the caffine intake, I just don't want my teeth be anything less than sparkling white. Sigh, vanity.

There is so much more.... so, so much more... but there is no way i have the time to write it, nor would anyone have the time to read it. So I'll just stick to the superficial basics for now.

Although I will say something interesting I have noticed being in Bulgaria, is that I am forced to slow down. My speech most noticibly, for obvious reasons. As I struggle with every sentance I so carefully piece together. However, it's nice that my reliance on charades is slowly decreasing, as I am able to convey myself verbally more and more everyday. Yeah, I talk like a toddler, but at least I'm trying.

But yeah, here things are just slower in general. Before I left, my mind was constantly in a million places at once.
Here, even my brain has slowed down. When I fall asleep at night, worries are no longer swirlling in my brain. What I fall asleep to instead are random bulgarian words. Just random words strung together in no particular order, I don't even know what half of them mean, they are just things I had heard during the day. Odd before sleep thoughts huh? Much better than worries. I think my brain is now confused, it doesn't isn't hearing english anymore, so it doesn't dwell on things spoken in english, but it doesn't understand bulgarian, so words just float around.
Being a self-confessed dweller, this is a welcome break for my mind.

Another thing that I have needed to modify my behaviour with, is eating. Here, meals last forever. They eat slowly. I have learned to do that too, or else I would be a thousand pounds, since as soon as your meals starts to look like it is almost gone, they are trying to make you eat more. Back at home, I wouldn't even sit down for meals. I just didn't have time...or something. I would shove the food down my throat as fast as I could to move onto the next, what? thing? What was I in such a rush to do? Live my life? Couldn't miss out on anything, right?
The result being that I never really fully experienced most things I was doing.
Here, you don't have a choice.
I don't have any pressing issues worrying me, or forcing me to rush. No court reports to write, or birth parents to argue with, or pointless paperwork to document, or rent to pay, or clothes to buy (there is no store or even a bank in my village even if i wanted to) Who knew that joining the peace corps would be the most realxing thing I could do. I know it won't always be like this, but for now, it is amazing.

As always though, I miss my family and friends.
So in ending today, I hope you are all sleeping well, have a great sunday when you wake up, and know that I love you.

- Tracy

some pictures

first day in my room

view from my room without my big head obstructing it.



oh, and how hot is my bulgarian visa?? seriously.
ha. (i like how they decided to take a black marker and gouge out my eyes... it is a really an attractive look for an ID photo)



ok, thats all i got for now... i have taken a ton more pictures but haven't had time to put them online yet.
i'll try to soon.
as always, i love and miss you all.
-tracy

just a short post

well i got a couple more seconds till class starts again.
today class will be going late, like 4pm, because we all went to church...It is a huge holiday today in Bulgaria, the name day of Maria...
everybody packed into the church.
there was singing. parying. holy water. (not so so far from catholic, but when they do the sign of the cross, they go right to left, not left to right.)
i lit some candles.
kissed some icons.
ate some bread with honey.
it was fantastic.
then got some coffee.
now it's time to learn more bulgarian.
this morning during the first part of class before church, i realized that this whole time when i asked my host family if they wanted something, i was really asking them if I, myself, wanted it.
damn grammer.
although, i will admit, i wasn't too great at in english either...
ok, back to bulgarski.
love you all.
-tracy

well, i've been in bulgaria a week now, and i wish i could put everything in here... but that would take forever.
seriously.
i'll just give a short recap.
the people are great (both the volunteers and the people of bulgaria)
my host family is amazing
(and my host mom is even more overprotective than you, mom, if that is even possible)
she get nervous if a go on a walk by myself... in this huge town of 1,000 people.
my host family, has a huge garden with every veggie imaginable, a horse, sheep, pig, hens, kitten, fruit trees (apple, pear, plum) berry bushes, grape vines lining the entire backyard.
i have danced the horra (totally wrong spelling i'm sure... but then again, it's wrong in latin letters anyway) both in panicheste with the volunteers and spontaneously a few times during/after dinner with my host family.
drank some homemade rakia, helped unload some beans from the cart to dry, ate more cucumbers and tomatoes than i even knew existed (and although wonderful, nothing beats the tomatoes from my family's garden in good ol' northville michigan)
but yeah, the food.
out. of. this. world.
although, i do have to bust out my bulgarian "i'm full" phrase, or else i could easily gain 5 lbs a day the way my host mom feeds me.
as it is, i think i've actually lost some....odd.
anyway.
my host family speaks absolutely no english.
i mean none.
which i thought would be frustrating, but realize now is so much better... because it makes me learn the language... and right quick.
they help me with it too.
saturday my host mom and i went through the garden teaching me the words for the different vegetables (necessary, because she freaked out when i told her i didn't eat meat)
so row by row there we were with me going "da, obechem uke...da, obechem krastavitsa...da, obechem bop... da, obechem markov... da, obechem kartoff... da, obechem domat..." and so on.
but, i know them now.
plus, i sit in my room studying, and then go down and they all help me. i even stay up late at night reading a "teach yourself bulgarian" book.
if only i did this in college, i would have 4.o'd every class.
but, alas, learning anthropology had no bearing on my functioning as a human being, and trying my best to avoid looking as american as i am.
ok... well i'll update soon... miss you all.
all of you who care to read this, that is.
muah!
-tracy